Sunday, November 23, 2003
Sunday, November 16, 2003
man, today i saw lani's post and i remembered a picture of me taken backstage during high school, when my hair was all curvy so it must have been sophomore year.
god damn, i was beautiful then.
the light in my eyes, just the smile i had on my face...it said "here, this is where i belong, people love me and i know it". those were very special days.
hair is so important to me. it says a lot to me, i think it's even what my lit comparison paper might focus on. guess i'll know for sure soon, since i write it tomorrow/today.
mark may still call tonight. but i think i'll lie down anyways. i got to spend last night with him, so i won't feel deprived if i can't see him tonight.
yeah, i know i said he left me, but, uh, it didn't really take. so whatever. i stopped worrying about it almost immediately. probably cuz he called me 3 times the next day. i dunno, there have been times when i've been worried that he was losing interest, but it's been made obvious that it wasn't the case. can't do anything else but take the lady at his word, and if he wrongs me, then i'm wronged and that's that. he's a good one. i like to give him me.
i have wiiings!
so, you all know that i don't live here anymore, right? i live at grannyglasseye now. a bit of this is crossposted there, just to help you find your way.
Sunday, September 28, 2003
well, just retook a Myers-Briggs Lite test, and i have gone from INFP to ENFJ. and i was real shaky on the N. the other things i don't care about, but: I to E kinda jolts me.
how do i become extroverted from introverted? especially when the two are seen as so opposite, and as this article from the Atlanticc says, the former can not fathom the latter? note that i have only seen this article referenced by snotty assholes. but still. could i change back? do i want to? of course, i still have a some introverted tendencies, but i still feel energized by other people. like how if i don't see other people during the day, i don't do shit. like today. when i'm posting a journal entry instead of studying and writing lab reports.
mark is right. college is hell.
but mark is the best.
do i ever have stuff to say anymore? let's put it to a vote.
Sunday, September 21, 2003
Wednesday, September 17, 2003
why shouldn't it be important?
i'm actually...ahead? i did something...ahead of time??
me good student?!
i changed this post because i will never bare my heart to any of you again!
Sunday, September 14, 2003
well, at least i no longer care about my "fight" with katey.
we saw dirty pretty things. i think after having seen audrey tautou in amelie, it's all the more distressing to see her in unhappy situations. "no! no! don't be sad.. do the something with a gnome, anything! that'll make it better, oh, now you're crying, shit..."
still a very good movie. i got an exciting little cookbook from cha cha's, the store that redeems all of c-ville's worthlessness. now i shall be the queen of the dinner parties!
mark is awesome. i miss mark. still, it's been so good being here and seeing everyone.
Wednesday, September 10, 2003
9:37PM - do you realize?
do you realize: that you have the most beautiful face
do you realize: that we're floating in space
do you realize: that happiness makes you cry
do you realize: that everyone you know someday will die?
everytime i hear "yoshimi battles the pink robots" [how i LOVE it] it makes me think of that day lauren and mark and i went to the flea market, and it poured, and i got an antique phone to later be used for pornography for only 10$ (working!) and then we ate ribbon fries, a bloomin' onion w/ ranch dip, and drank sweet lemonade. on the ride home i fell asleep curled over my knees next to mark. do you realize was the song that played right before i finally drifted off. that was a crazy ass flea market. packed with people, selling guns and knives for REALLY cheap, all kinds of awesome crappy food, and some old pinup art--i was tempted! hardest to resist of all was a beautifully kept persian lamb stole for on 20$. i almost went back for it, but then i saw the phone. the guy selling it was awesome. lauren bought an old lacquered jewelry box from japan from him. inside it has dark blue velvet that just gleams, and the music box plays a pretty, unidentifiable tune. he also had a lawn bowling trophy! and a fake statuette that was actually a radio! all these amazing things and more!
too bad it only happens once a year. a girl could get used to deals like that.
so yes. librarian porn. the first week of school, lauren and i were at x-roads getting movies for our first themed movie night (anthony hopkins, followed by miyazaki. this week's is scare the pants off marilyn) and i saw a flyer with pull-tabs asking for pin-up models. i took one. they guy's name is "hawaiian bryan". i was like, sure, it's sketch, but look at the pretty picture! (he had an awesome sample on it.) so i called him and said hey, see me naked. we turned out to have mutual friends, so so much the better.
lauren lent me her two teddies and escorted me as my chaperone. i borrowed shoes from ME, and lauren curled my hair for me because apparently i am inept at being feminine. i also couldn't apply make-up; she had to help me with that too. i think it was when she sighed at me to hold still while she carefully brushed foundation out of my eyebrows with an itty bitty brush that i began to be abashed.
but anyways: we went. his studio is next to my shop class and it locks with a little keypad. can't see through the doors. i met him. he's a big chap in a hawaiian shirt. canadian. has two girlfriends. doesn't know how, just does. very nice. it was a relief, because i was worried i'd chicken out or have a shyness attack. then i realized i have the biggest balls in the world. we did the two outfits, and then various nudes with props. i love pinup art, because it's one big game of hide-the-bush. (meaning that the genitals are always hidden on way or another) i have now posed wearing nothing but the following and a pair of heels:
-a dictionary (with glasses)
-an antique camera
-a fireman's hat
a LOT came out really well. the most i worried about was that i'd be too cold. but the lights they have on you keep you nice and toasty, but not too warm! i had a lot of fun with it, and of course lauren was the best sport ever. i also fretted that my untoned ass-flesh would be all gross and dimply, but! the lights fix that as well! how spectacular is that? all in all, i got paid 40$ for ~3 hours of work.
now, the general payment method with art modeling is either getting paid or trading for prints of the session. but when bryan developed the film, he said so many came out well enough to use, he would also give me prints. so i now have four beautiful prints: one where nothing's showing, so i can put it up in my room; the porno librarian one; one with me in firefighter gear; and of me in the black-and-pink teddy on an antique phone. (the phone was purchased for 10$ at the fleamarket in hillsville with mark! mark is awesome!)
in closing, i look good in black lace. buttdance buttdaaaaance
Tuesday, September 9, 2003
a few announcements:
-the new journal is up. it is a scavenger hunt! first one to find it and friend me WINS! (just kidding. there are no winners.)
-i will still be reading the friends page for this journal, so don't unfriend me! and who knows, maybe i'll be posting here too. i forget what my master plan was.
-i am now truly a porno librarian. i have made librarian porn.
for questions and comments, find the new journal!
Sunday, August 24, 2003
i dunno if i'm going to be writing in here for a while. in a week or so i'll pick up right where i left off in a new, as-yet-unannounced journal. stay tuned for exciting updates!
Thursday, August 7, 2003
oh, guess what?
guess who's not ruled by her addictions? yeah, ME!
i was out hokahing and i was like, y'know, this is still good, but it's not what i want. and last time when i realized something was becoming more of an addiction, and i didn't immediately try to nip it in the bud, it almost ruined me. well, it did get me to like 100 pounds, but that is apparently ruinous. and i just got up and threw it out and put it away, cuz i don't need it. i don't need anything except to address what's really stressing me. and the only way to do that is to study, so that's what i'm going to do. and i'm gonna do great tomorrow.
what can i say, still ruled by my addictions...going to smoke hookah to calm down before i study. hopefully the knowledge that i've become somewhat dependent on it won't taint the soothing effects. still, better than throwing up, i guess.
still wish i'd just gone fishing. but noooooo.
1:42AM - my grandma IMed me
m00nflwr: hello just practicing. wonder if I'll get this thru. hope your exams are going well, also everything else in your endeavors. I'm going through a patchy spell. things just not going so hotsy totsy. did I tell you I had a car breakdown in the midst of traffic way oout to helln'gone last week? this week my car failed its emission test spectacularly:-):-):-) how did those smiley faces get there? Tweren't no laffin matter. tomorrow the car goes into shop. big bucks no doubt. did I tell you I'm having a root canal Monday . well like I said ...a patchy spell. so Things can only get better...right ? rIGHT!!!!! HAVE THE safest sAFEST JOURNEY HOME. love you. gran
Wednesday, August 6, 2003
my boyfriend is so gay.
"lunch lunch, oh i am so hungry!" <--- his away message. goddamn, could you BE any perkier? why not just replace 'lunch' with 'buttsex'?
Tuesday, August 5, 2003
i hate being adhd.
i hate having to take meds to meet the definition of normal. i hate knowing i'm a bright girl, and still struggling just to make myself learn.
( explanoCollapse )
oh well. at least i don't think i'm stupid, like i did when i was younger.
Monday, August 4, 2003
ok, so i've been thinking a lot recently. partly cuz of darkchapter, partly...just cuz.
and it's time for a few changes. one: the hookah is being put away for...awhile. i'm just done with it. it was another stage in the phase of life where teenage invincibility complex + teenage angst = not caring if you hurt yourself little by little. and now it has gone the way of the pot phase.
i'm tired of everyone who's supposed to be openminded being so...not. ( exampleCollapse ) so i will work on my own openness, and make fewer judgments. really, it's just making yourself think slower. instead of when you hear something, you jump to an opinion about it, you just...slow your brain. quiet it. relax.
and on another, more straightforward note: i know that i am interesting, and sexually superior to you. don't try to make me feel otherwise, and don't think i won't prove it.
Wednesday, July 30, 2003
::proceeds to tear around like a dog who just got back from a long walk::
i got to go fishing i got to go fishing i got to go fishing and I CAUGHT FEEEEEEEESH
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!!! abbadadabba!! thbppptt! w00h00!
i love the cascades. it's covered with soft, non-slippery moss, has red and blue crayfish in it, is the perfect temperature to stand in, is lined with rhododendrons and their white star-flowers, and best of all....it has the trout.
yes, the trout! the brookie trout, and the brownie trout, and the rainybow trout. all for me to play with!
i was dead tired when i came back, and managed only to wolf down a wendy's #7 and briefly choke on my own bile before i fell asleep for 2.5 hours. i wasn't even awake enough to get under the covers. but i woke up and i feel great now, like i have boundless energy to spend on the worthless crap that is physics. and my mind is no longer dominated by thoughts of gloom and the Him i mentioned to qatey.
we are wild girls!
Monday, July 28, 2003
see, if only such a great weekend did not have to culminate in a poorly-done physics test.
but alas, at 7:45 this morning it did just that. now with finals approaching in two weeks, my fate may hang in the balance of this test...
still, before that i had a great weekend. i drove home to study, and saturday night i managed to take a break and go to elly's for movie/miyazaki night. we watched kiki's and spirited away, interspersed with massaaaaaages and lychee eating. and grape soda, which produces a most pleasing belch. ohh, i really loved it! i love girly time, where we can be anime dorks without guys hogging all the geekiness. (which you know they only hog because of those bosomy characters!) it was some sweet girl bondage. (c=
on sunday i went to scottish games w/ john, hung with my clan (who provided refreshments! mmm..) and petted many, many, dogs. including a 4yr old bullmastiff. what an adorable big baby. the best part was afterwards though, when i went to john's and played with his cat, the cat who has redeemed all cats for me. john took pictures of me with da kittttteehhhhh and his new mohawk. (cést TRES CHIC)
and then i went home to leave for bburg and my daddy gave me my first flyfishing rod of my very own and it's a cortland and it will last me a lifetime and i can pass it to me kiddies and it was all very daddy-daughter bonding. (c=
and then today a test at 7:45 am. sad that it had to all end like that.
oh, and he has issues. eh. i still love him.
Wednesday, July 23, 2003
gin + oreos = yum++!
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